it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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