Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As shirtless as possible
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
