just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
