he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
