How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
