I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
