A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
