He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
