The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
