I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
