Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
