I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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