i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
