The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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