I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
