I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
