I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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