you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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