i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
