i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
