Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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