I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
