I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
