He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
