My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
