He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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