dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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