he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We were destined to go to rehab together
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
