Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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