I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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