I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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