Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And then he peed in my hair
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