Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
