Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
