I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
