need another drink. this is the easiest way
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
