apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
