In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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