the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize