i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
