big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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