we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
