You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
