I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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