So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
