Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
