He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i've created a new STD.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
