ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
