meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
