You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
