that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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