i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
