it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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