It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
