i love accidental penises.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
