Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
