the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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