I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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