We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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