Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize