I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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