Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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