i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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