He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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