her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
